Backside Philosophy

You prate of hirsute thinkers of every kind—

Of every one a tarnished statue brings to mind—

As if Pythagoras had deemed you heir;

You certainly sport the proper facial hair.

But, to the shame of your goatish and hairy “class,”

You gladly show a rough beard on your soft ass.

So tell me, of the many doctrines you espouse,

Which one prevails upon the buggers you arouse.

Martial, IX, xlvii